Why do I bother baking cupcakes for my kids? They would be happy with a bowl of icing and a jar of sprinkles! |
August
Kid's water shoes get frequent use around our place. |
I did not post much here on Classical Quest during August. Instead I focused on opening the doors of my home to my community for the first time since my C-section. I had finally overcome what Fly Lady calls CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome)!
My living room -- with extra chairs for company. I do most of my reading in the chair with the quilt on the back. |
praise and worship with friends |
precious guests |
What happened next was not an earth-shattering tragedy, but it was an event that wounded my heart and made me feel very sad.
For a while it cast a cloud over my days.
As I sat watching my kids playing in the yard, someone tossed a stream of jabbing text messages right into my lap.
The worst blows were hurled privately, but looking back I realized that my heckler's critical spirit had been present online for a quite a while -- even dating back to at comment she made on the blog I had before Classical Quest. Her periodic terse questions and general shortness was really steam from her rising disapproval of me. She was bound to eventually boil over. With hindsight I could see this clearly.
Being heckled knocked the breath out of me. It struck me deeply because it came -- not from a stranger -- but from a person whom I had long held in high esteem, a person I had tried to confide my struggles to.
I went "dark" for a few days to pray and sift through the criticism I had received. This experience became a turning point for my blog.
There were tears.
Through blogging I've revealed some of my goals and dreams. I've made myself vulnerable. I've taken a risk. This person, my heckler, was disgusted with what she saw when I cracked open the door and allowed her to peer in. She took it upon herself to scold me, not lovingly, but as a bully.
And friends, it's likely that some of your acquaintances will be disgusted with what they discover about you if you choose to bare your soul. We all live in a delusion about each other. We're excessively fond of perceiving others through the filtered lens of our own ideals. My heckler is not alone in this. I am often guilty of doing this to others too.
In this way my heckler became my helper.
A drawing my daughter made for me. |
Anne Bogel, a.k.a. The Modern Mrs. Darcy, recommend I read Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art, by Madeline L'Engle. ( I'm still reading it in small portions and soaking it up.)
Through the magic of Facebook I reconnected with my darling friend, Krista Bjorn, whom I haven't seen since I was in Moscow, Russia in 1994! Krista is a writer who lives on a beautiful farm in Australia. She has a lovely blog called Rambling Tart. She reentered my life like a beacon at just the perfect time.
Krista's advice for me (which I took to heart):
" ...just be a beacon. It will draw some and repel others and both are OK. Those who leave free us up to THRIVE with the kindred spirits who come along."
At the Kremlin in 1994 with friends I'm still in contact with today. I'm in the middle. Krista Bjorn is on the right near the grass. |