When Flowers Fail: Moving Forward When It's Time to Embrace Something New

Dear Friend,

My neighbor owns most of the meadows near my home.  This past spring he leased his property to a local farmer. I was told ahead of time that the land would be turned over for soybeans, but I wasn't prepared for the acrid scent of chemicals in our gentle valley. The day after the fields were sprayed, I viewed the land from my car. No sign of life to be found. All was burnt. Yellow. Destroyed. 

It was weeks before the deer crept back into the fields.  Now they come in droves to nibble at the scrawny crop of beans. Tall black stalks poke up through the rows, unsightly as unwanted hair.

I haven't taken many walks down the old paths this summer. I feel something akin to homesickness for the butterflies, bees, and red winged blackbirds that used to flutter, dive, and hum.

The pictures in my post today are from last year. I took them on one of my long rambles when I thought my lovely meadows (which were, of course, not really mine) would last forever.

How many Flowers fail in Wood—
Or perish from the Hill—
Without the privilege to know
That they are Beautiful—

How many cast a nameless Pod
Upon the nearest Breeze—
Unconscious of the Scarlet Freight—
It bear to Other Eyes— 

Emily Dickinson

I'm glad I have pictures. 

The images I've captured of my long county walks are closely tied in my mind to the great classic books I've read in the last few years.

Sometimes, as I journey through books, I capture them well; I take lots of great notes, ponder insights, and do research.  More often though, life happens. I become absorbed in my primary job of nurturing my lovely family! (And sometimes, to be fully honest, I become absorbed with less noble things like what my friend Anne Bogel calls the "Facebook Rabbit Hole.") Before I know it, I've read another tome without documenting the experience. The moments -- the flashes of insight and awe -- they slip away like a "nameless pod upon the nearest breeze" and I'm left with a sense of loss. 

I have more unfinished drafts of posts in my blog archives than I have published posts. 

Here are some classic books I've read while on my quest that I've written little-to-nothing about:

Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Emma by Jane Austen
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
Moby-Dick by Herman Melville 
The Return of the Native by Thomas Hardy
Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
The Red Badge of Courage by Stephen Crane
The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton
The Portrait of a Lady by Henry James
Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence
Streams of Living Water by Richard Foster

And here's some modern stuff I've read lately:

David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Book of Ages: The Life and Opinions of Jane Franklin by Jill Lepore
Cut Me Loose by Leah Vincent
Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm
I Am Malala by Malala Yousafzai
What Makes Olga Run By Bruce Grierson
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
Homeschool Sex Machine: Babes, Bible Quiz, and the Clinton Years by Matthew Pierce
Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art by Madeleine L'Engle
The Intellectual Devotional by David S. Kidder and Noah D. Oppenheim
How to Read Like a Professor by Thomas C. Foster
A Jane Austen Education by William Deresiewicz

So here's to moving forward! To seeking new places to ramble! To reading more and writing more as time, self-discipline, and energy allows!

Peace & Joy.

Love,
Adriana

P.S. I wonder -- is it time for you to let go of something? Perhaps you need to release something that has more gravitas than a burned up meadow and some forgotten quotes. Is it time to move on? Is it time to make room in your life for a new residence or friendship or job or project or pet or ______________?

Ascending : Guest Post By Jeannie Prinsen

Dear Friend,

I'm delighted to share a poem with you today! It was written by my friend Jeannie Prinsen. Jeannie is an online writing instructor at Queen's University. She shares many insightful reflections on her blog Little House on the Circle. 

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The experience that inspired this poem took place a couple of years ago in Prince Edward Island (where I was born and where my family still goes every summer).  We  had arrived at my parents' place earlier that day, and I was taking an evening walk.  There is something about the quiet of the surroundings and the beauty of the sky there, especially at sunset, that always makes me feel peaceful.  But the cloud of starlings -- something I don't think I'd ever seen before -- added a different dimension to this walk. I was fascinated by their swooping formations and the way they crowded into a tree, chattering loudly, and then suddenly lifted off as one.  This poem tries to capture the sight, sound, and feeling of that experience.

ascending

shape-shifting black

ellipses thrill the evening sky

a thousand starlings

    swirl

             swoop

                      dive

then settle

turning a sun-kindled apple tree

into a quivering

dappling

murmur

ation

each leaf and twig

pulsing with their over

lapping voices

suddenly

they rise in a shush of underlit wings

like flakes 

of fire

showering

upward

like fallen stars returning

to heaven

and I watch

wistful

wondering

how it would feel

to fly

my own wings touched with the light

of day's golden 

end

In case you missed it: Jeannie and I did another photo/poem collaboration earlier this year. You can read it here.

poem cJeannie Prinsen 2013
please do not reproduce without author permission                                                       

Silent Retreat: Part Three -- Pictures for You

Dear Friend,

Enclosed are some pictures I took of my walk around the Spiritual Center while on my silent retreat. Hope you are well. 

Love,

Adriana

P.S. Do you remember what it was like to open the mailbox and find a letter with a dear friend's handwriting on the envelope? I would open these treasures ever-so-carefully with a letter opener. Sometimes as I unfolded the stationery, several photographs would spill unto my lap. Sheer delight! This was my attempt to simulate that experience for you. ♥ ~A

Finding Freedom Beneath the Unclouded Night Sky

Hello dear friends,

Have you ever taken a long stroll in the night?

One night last week I went for a walk at around 3AM. At first it was a little creepy, but after a while, it was wonderful. I meandered along. There was no moon. The stars were brilliant. 

I recognized a couple constellations: Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. Ursa Major is also known as the Big Dipper. Before the Civil War, runaway slaves referred to it as the Drinking Gourd. I live in a place where runaways likely passed through the night on foot in pursuit of freedom in the North. They looked to the Drinking Gourd as a guide. It is a symbol of freedom.

Crickets chirped. Owls hooted. Deer barked as I approached their beds. I captured this picture of two bucks butting heads. They didn't notice me for a long time. I stood still, hidden in the shadows. So much to see and experience in the night time!

I thought about Jane Eyre. Last I saw her, she was curled up on the heath in darkness:

Night was come, and her planets were risen: a safe, still night: too serene for the companionship of fear. We know that God is everywhere; but certainly we feel His presence most when his works are on the grandest scale spread before us; and it is in the unclouded night-sky, where His worlds wheel their silent course, that we read clearest His infinitude, His omnipotence, His omnipresence.

If you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, unable to rest -- perhaps a night walk will help you sort things out. 

When I got back from my ramble, I slept like a baby til morning.

Peace & Joy,
Adriana

I Am Your Keeper and You are Mine: A Stroll in Springtime

I have some more old pictures for you today! I'm still recovering from an illness that has kept me in bed for three days. My strength is starting to return, but I'm taking baby steps. When I haven't been dozing, I've been spending time in my rocker on my front porch in my pajamas and wrapped in a sheet. My husband has taken the week off work to be my nurse and to care for the kids. My mom brought over a chicken dinner last night. After sleeping nearly all day, I found Mother's comfort food to be very comforting indeed!

As I think I said yesterday, looking through my photos feels therapeutic. I can't believe how many pictures I have meant to share with you that I haven't yet got around to sharing! These are some I took on a Spring Sunday back in April when I took my baby for a stroll after church.

I keep hoping that one day I will have time to blog the way I want to: lots of pictures and insights into the classics and useful tips for successful living. But the truth is, though life is a beautiful gift, sometimes it is very hard. Sometimes it takes all I have to just give my family the basics for their survival with a smile on my face. Sometimes the edge is gone and I have no energy left to be creative. I have nothing clever to say and I feel like I need to just lap up wisdom from everyone else!

Sometimes I just need to sit still and watch a bee pollinate a flower and feel the breeze on my face and listen to a mourning dove. 

I  wish people wouldn't say, "I don't want to be a burden on anyone." (Even though I admit I have sometimes said this myself -- I don't want to cause anyone any trouble.) Guess what? Being a burden is part of life so get over it! And praise God the whole world isn't full of evil Nazis. Sometimes your friends and family need you to be a "burden" so they can be whole. Caring for others is not a curse! Caring for others is a blessing!

But I think most people are just trying to be considerate when they say "I don't want to be a burden." We all know negative draining types that will just suck out all of a person's energy and demand more, more, more! But I'm sure you are not like that. If you have a need, call out for help! And receive gifts of love with a grateful heart. I know you will carry the goodness forward and many others will be blessed by your life in time.

I'm very grateful for the friends and family who have stepped up to care for me in the last few days. I hope you have someone to care for you when you are ill or depressed. It is awful to be hurting and to be alone -- especially if you have dependents who require your constant care! I hope you don't struggle with pride like I do. Are you too proud to ask for help? Too proud ask others to share your burdens?

I am your keeper and you are mine. I need your prayers and encouraging words and sometimes I need you tell me when I'm wrong! (Kindly please, but yes -- do tell me.) And I am responsible for each person who comes across my path -- whether in the blogosphere or in offline relationships. I am responsible for everything I teach, say, and show. I must ask myself:

Am I being loving or spiteful? 

Are my motives toward this person pure or selfish? 

When I say "I'll pray for you." Do I actually stop to pray for more than a second?

 Am I building others up or tearing them down?

I think I'll stop here. Maybe soon we can talk about what this looks like in our online relationships.

For now I'm going to take a shower, then rest a bit until Mom gets here. Tonight she's bringing a roast.

Love and blessings!

Adriana

The Choice

Today I'm thrilled to have a guest post by Jeannie Prinsen, who blogs at Little House on the Circle. I've come to know Jeannie through the comments section at Tim Fall's blog. Her hopeful thoughts and wise insights are always uplifting. Jeannie is an online writing instructor/tutor at Queen's University. A few days ago I dropped by her place where she shared this poem with me. It struck a chord since very recently I was beckoned by "Narnian whiteness"! I felt her poem would compliment the pictures I took while hiking near my home through Narnia last week. It also inspired a theme for my goals this year: "plunging forth with joy". 

The Choice

I stood before the path into the woods.

Its Narnian whiteness beckoned to me, yet

being loath to spoil the smooth expanse of snow

and knowing night was falling dark and fast,

I turned and said, "Another day will do."

A small decision, hardly thought of till

an early thaw comes, and the snowy trails

turn muddy brown -- and I, with wistfulness,

recall that hushed midwinter moment when

I stood before the path into the woods.

I see it still: the long inverted V

of that straight road into the forest deep,

the fenceposts frosted thick with powered snow.

Bewitching promise of an unwalked trail!

Its Narnian whiteness beckons to me yet.

In retrospect my reasons seem so slight:
excuses not to dare. Had evening come,
my footprints would have easily led me back
(assuming I had wanted to return).
Being loath to spoil the smooth expanse of snow?

That now seems an especially foolish thought.
Surely the fresh and untouched path desired
that some exploring foot, some questing heart,
would break the surface, plunging forth with joy.
Now, knowing night is falling dark and fast,

I vow to take the path. So what if that
was this year's final snowfall? Then I'll wait
till winter comes again and draws me in
to that charmed world. I'll go, brave-souled and glad,
not turn and say, "Another day will do."

c Jeannie Prinsen 2011
please do not share or reproduce without author permission

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Proof I was really in Narnia.

More proof.

The Quote that Changed my Life (An Autumn Ramble)

by Adriana

When walking with a friend I've always found it's easier for me to share the deepest parts of myself -- the mistakes I've made, my strengths, my weaknesses, the things I'm most grateful for, my fears,

and my dreams for the future.

You have a dream too. I know you do. (We all do.)

If you were walking by my side over these hills and through these autumn meadows, what would you share with me? What kind of person are you striving to be? 

Nearly a year ago, I read a quote that changed me. I'd like to share it with you because maybe it's just what you need too.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit. ~ Aristotle

The first time I read that, something connected deep within me. I thought, Am I going to spend the rest of my life talking about what I want to do? Reading about it? Day dreaming? No! 

That was the day I started Classical Quest. I've been writing something pretty much every day since -- somedays I write a blog post, often it's just a summary which I jot with a pencil at the end of a chapter of classic literature -- but something!  Recently, I referred to my self as a writer. It came out naturally. I didn't feel awkward about saying it because writing is what I do. A writer is who I am.

What do you do repeatedly? Are you engaged in an excellent habit? It is our habits which define us. They give us a name. They make us who we are.

Here's how I would describe myself based on the positive habits I engage in repeatedly:

giver of affection, advocate for the misunderstood, life-sustainer, memory-maker, vision-caster, mood-setter, self-educator, walker/jogger, photographer, face-reader, deep thinker, person of prayer (How do I say that? Pray-er? Supplicant?) quote-collector, reader, writer

(I'm not going to share my negative habits today!)

The discipline of creation, be it to paint, compose, write, is an effort toward wholeness ...

The artist cannot hold back; it is impossible, because writing, or any other discipline of art, involves participation in suffering, in the ills and the occasional stabbing joys that come from being part of the human drama. ~ Madeline L'Engle

Some of you are hurting. Some of you don't feel whole. There is a nagging ache in your heart because you know there is something you should be doing with your life. I want to encourage you  to set your excellent habit into motion. Don't say, "I don't have time."  --  Our great-grandmothers didn't have time, because they had to churn their own butter and sew their own clothes, but most of us do have time. Turn off the television, shut down your Facebook account -- do whatever you have to do. Life is fleeting. Begin today in some small way. If you are not sure how to begin, feel free to email me at classicalquest@gmail.com. Perhaps I can point you in the direction of a blogger who is on a similar journey.

Do you agree that excellence is a habit?

What new habit do you want to cultivate?

I've shared my positive habits with you. I hope you will share yours with me. I am so inspired by my readers and I want to get to know each of you better. 

How would you describe yourself based on the excellent habits you engage in repeatedly?

(If this post was an encouragement to you, please "like" Classical Quest on Facebook. Thank you!)