On My Own, but Not Alone

Dear Friends,

My pastor recommended that I start blogging again, so here I am.
Since my last post, life has taken a dramatic turn. I'm going through a dissolution of marriage after fifteen years. Fortunately, my children's father and I are currently on good terms and co-parenting is going really well. I won't be scrubbing references to him from my social media accounts.

I'm now living at my parents' farm with the children. I'll spare you the details of the last few exhausting months and just say that I think I've reached the final stage of grief: acceptance.

Mom and Dad have 18 bee colonies and no microwave. They have a rotary telephone and no wifi. Life has come full circle for me. I'm back in my old dormer bedroom in a twin sized bed I'm sharing with my five year old daughter. At night I like to open the window and and we listen to spring peepers and rain or whatever's going on in the country in the dark. We cuddle like two birds in a nest. I'm blessed to have all my children near me in a situation that is safe and familiar to us.

I've set up a portable library in my room with wooden crates. Reading is more than a pleasurable pastime right now: it's a life raft for my mind and spirit. Recently I've been tweeting some of my favorite lines from the book I'm reading: The Autobiography of Andrew Carnegie. It's a great book for anyone attempting a fresh start. I've been deeply challenged by Carnegie's optimism and determination.

The children and I are adjusting well to our new community. They love school and I love volunteering there from time to time. Church has become a genuine sanctuary for my weary heart. A few weeks ago I began serving as a liturgist. The congregants were so loving and supportive of my effort, that I found the courage to do it again. I love how connected and generous they are to those in need. I'm learning from their example how to live out my faith in a more authentic way.

Until next time, then.

Adriana

Photo Journal: Spring Silent Retreat

Dear Friend,

My kids are home for the summer and our days are currently full of summerish delights. I nearly forgot that I promised you some pictures of the silent retreat I took at a local Jesuit center last month. Such a peaceful, refreshing experience for my spirit! On the day of the retreat I was recovering from a minor foot injury; I wasn't able to hike down to the river like I did in the autumn. I did make an attempt, but nearly wiped out on the narrow stone path downhill.  So instead, I propped my feet on my folding chair and cuddled under my blanket with a good book. After a couple hours I hobbled back to the pavilion and ate some homemade peanut butter cookies -- the first since my son was diagnosed with a peanut allergy over two years ago! It was hard to eat those cookies silently without groaning with pleasure. I spent the second half of the event in a swing with my journal. The spring blossoms were lovely. I felt grateful for the allergy pill that made the whole event possible. 

Baby food jar candle holder -- a gift from my daughter. Perfectly portable.

Hope you can find some silent moments of refreshment today!
Peace & Joy,
Adriana

P.S. Here are the links to my "Silent Retreat Series" from last October:

Part One: Learning the Ropes and Getting Settled

Part Two: How to Use a Labyrinth as a Prayer Tool

Part Three: Pictures for You

A Rainbow-Themed Post in Which I Open a Discussion About the Effect of the Internet

"Slide down my rainbow into my cellar door and we'll be jolly friends forevermore."

Hello there friends! Hope you are have a lovely summer/winter!

After battling an illness for over a month, I am at last feeling much better.

Today I want to say a hearty thank you. I've been blown away by all of the love and care that my kids, my husband and I have received from friends and family. There have been days when I've received phone calls that I haven't had the energy to take, but simply knowing that someone was checking in to see how I was doing has meant a lot. Many of you have sent me kind emails. Thank you so very much. It may take me some time to get around to responding, but I've read each one with a warm heart. Our community group friends have watched our kids, they've taken them to VBS, they've brought us meals. I could go on and on. When you have five kids, it truly takes a village to pick up the slack when Mom is down! And the prayers! Oh my word. I'm humbled.

There is something about this experience that gives me a pang though -- and that is you. It seems like the kind of support system I have is in global decline. Is this true for you? What would happen today if suddenly you crashed and could not get out of bed for week?  When the rubber meets the road all that matters is knowing you are not alone. I want to know where you are with that. Do you feel like you are literally holding everything together all by yourself? I used to be more of a loner. I used think I'm fine. I got this. And as I said, I am humbled.

The road home.

In my last post we talked about the subject -- "I am your keeper and you are mine." -- which is biblical, of course. A wise person once pointed out to me that the entire Bible could be viewed as a long reply to the question that Cain asked God after he killed his brother Abel in Genesis chapter four:

Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” He said, “I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?” 

The answer is YES! Yes, you are your brother's keeper! And God spent a lot of time and effort showing us what that is supposed to look like!

When I was a girl there was one family in my large neighborhood who had a computer in their basement. (My parents still don't have one!) I never would have dreamed then that I would one day be able to converse with friends all over the world!

Sitting in church last Sunday I looked around at all of the nifty new hair styles and I thought, Isn't Pinterest enriching? We are in a hair-renaissance!  Doesn't that just get you excited! It gets me really excited because it is a sign of how our global-connectedness is working it's way into our most mundane decisions -- like how we do our hair.

When you and I sit down to type out our thoughts or post pictures of a healthy, yummy bean salad we really have no idea how far our influence will go.

So in light of our Bible story today, the question I keep tossing around my mind is this: How does being each other's keeper work in the online world?

We are sitting here in front of our computer screens witnessing the dawn of a new era and we have no way to measure our influence over time. We are laying the groundwork for generations to come. The internet is a tool that meets needs in the here and now, but it is also a work of eternal significance.

So talk to me -- I want to know what you think being each other's keeper should look like on the web. Many of my readers are Christians like me, but some of you are not. I want to hear from you no matter what faith tradition you are speaking from.  Vision casters -- speak!

My online life did not start out incredibly meaningful. I had a homeschool blog in the beginning because I always saw myself as becoming a gloriously successful homeschooler. The plan was to show you how you could become a gloriously successful homeschooler like me. The only problem with that plan is that not too far into my homeschool journey, I realized I wasn't going to be gloriously successful. I found myself doggie-paddling, barely able to keep my head above water. Reading other homeschool blogs just made me feel bad about myself.

First I blogged the wrong way, now I'm learning how to get it right. (Yes, I'm still learning!) I know this much for sure: when you use the internet correctly it will have a positive effect on both your online and offline life. It is a powerful tool, but it takes time and practice and a lot of mistakes to get it right. 

Be patient with yourself and be patient with others. 

There is only love.

Now I want to hear from you. Tell me about your experience with the internet and it's effect on you. Tell be about how you use it and give me some suggestions on how to make our online experiences more enriching. 

Oh and before I forget, here's the recipe:

"Jolly Friends Rainbow Salad":

1 red pepper, diced

1 yellow pepper, diced

1 orange pepper, diced

1 red onion, finely diced (optional -- it adds a nice purple color to the rainbow, but I rarely use it.)

1 can chick peas, rinsed

1 can black beans, rinsed

1 bag of frozen shelled edamame, rinsed to thaw

(In the above picture I used fresh parsley, b/c I happened to have some on hand. This recipe is really flexible. Just have fun with it. I added some peas to the baby's meal.)

Let your children help you mix this salad. Their eyes will pop when the colors start to blend. Season liberally with seasoned rice vinegar to taste. Take to a grill-out and and enjoy with friends.

Much love,
Adriana

Invisible Friendship

Recently, I found some letters. 

Written by hand. 

A whole correspondence from across two continents, spanning seven years between my best friend and me. (I now have both sets.)

I uncovered them from deep storage and I'm in the process of carefully reading each one.

Finding these letters was an event. I expect they will find their way into my blog posts for quite some time.

This morning, as I set out to walk through the cold, crunchy fields near my home, I pondered this quote which I had copied into a letter in January of 1995:

Familiarity sometimes renders people physically invisible, for you find yourself talking to the heart -- to the essence . . . rather than to the face. ~Michael Welzenbach

I understand this quote is referring to when you are in someone's actual presence and you know the person so well they become physically invisible to you. You don't notice their "warts," so to speak. 

But to me, the quote describes the way I used to feel about receiving letters from my dear friend, Jeni. We were forced apart physically through life circumstances, yet through our letters we drew closer than ever before.

And that is how I've come to feel about blogging. We sit behind our computer screens and we share  what matters to us. Bit by bit we crack open the door of our souls and allow others to peer in.

I have always been more transparent in letters than I am able to be in person. (Maybe this is also why I often think of the writers of the classics as my personal friends.)

As I mentioned yesterday, I'm into making what I call "cyber-samplers" lately. Here's a new one for you --

Love to all,

Adriana