A Feast of Encouragement

Dear Friends, 

I had planned to write an original post today and then my three year old started vomiting last night; so instead, I'll be disinfecting the house and offering my little one sips of Pedialite. 

But in the spirit of resourcefulness and the desire to stay more connected with my blog community, I've decided to share a comment I left at my friend Tim's blog the other day. 

After you read my comment, head over to Tim's place and read his post, "How to Comfort Those Who Are Hurting."

Tim asked this question:

How have you been comforted and encouraged by a person God put in your life?

Recovering in bed at my aunt's house after surgery.

Tim, The most recent time that comes to mind was after my surgery when I went to stay at my Aunt Bonita’s house. She wasn’t able to take off work for more than a day and she was concerned about leaving me alone in the house while she and my uncle were away for several hours. I heard some commotion in the kitchen as I drifted off to sleep that night in her guest bedroom -- the rattling of pots and pans — that sort of thing.

The next morning I woke up alone in soft, clean, white bedding. There was a fortress of coolers around the sides of the bed. I crawled across the comforter and peered inside them. There was yogurt, fruit, muffins, a salad, a turkey sandwich and bottles of cold water. Next to the bed was a small vase of flowers from my Aunt’s garden and a thermos of hot coffee! Every need had been considered and tended to in advance. I felt so loved!

I called to thank her and told her I felt like Sara Crewe in a Little Princess when she and her friend Becky awaken to a feast which had been secretly prepared for them by a compassionate neighbor.

Now it's your turn: how have you been comforted or encouraged lately?

I'd love to know.

Love,

A

Things to Put on the Fridge Door of Life

Dear Friend,

How are you today?

I'm feeling grateful. My husband has been out of town working on a project for the last two weeks. Yesterday he returned home to five jumping kids, a beaming wife, a tail-wagging dog, a clean house, his favorite dinner, and an apple pie.

Life is good.

The kids and I watched a balloon launch at the park on Saturday.

Lately I've been thinking about a few special links I'd like to share with you. This isn't just random good stuff that I've stumbled upon around the web. These are links to content I'm proud of, content which belongs to friends who have come alongside me in my life journey and blessed me with kindness. These are things to place on life's fridge door, so to speak.

A few weeks ago I met a precious kindred spirit, Emma Teller, for coffee. We talked for four hours. I never do that! But it was amazing. The time went by in a blink, We haven't seen each other in a very long time.Thirteen years ago Emma was my piano student. Now she is an exquisite artist. (I smiled over the smudge of red paint under her forearm.) We talked about faith, the creative life, and the mercy of God. I was blown away by her humility and wisdom.

No matter what you do or who you are there are so many ways we can do this - leave the world more beautiful than we found it - and that is what I hope and try to do with my paintings and with my art.  

Emma has a blog. Though she's not there often, it's a good place to view some of her work. Go here for still lifes and here for portraits. You can also follow Emma on Facebook.

Tim Fall has been called the "Barnabas of the Blogosphere" because he's relentless with encouragement. My whole family has been blessed by his friendship. While fishing in the Rockies recently, my husband used Tim's method for making pan fried trout. My kids have enjoyed listening to some of his cowboy stories that I've read aloud during our evening bonfires. Over the past few years, Tim has taught me to be liberal with encouragement and to pray for opportunities to build others up.

We have a God who is the Comforter -- who comes alongside us with the comfort, so that we can then be the ones to come alongside others with the comfort God has given us.

Tim blogs at Just One Train Wreck After Another. Two of my recent favorite posts are Problems with Unbalanced Grace and I've Never Been on a Road I Haven't Taken. And while you're there I'd be delighted if you'd read my recent guest post, People's Looks and Covers of Books.

Tim was recently interviewed by talk radio host Doug Bursch on "Live From Seattle." You can listen to that interview here. (Tim's segment starts at the 12 minute mark.)

Next, I must give a shout out to my faithful friend Christine. Last week she and I had a rare opportunity to have a day out together without kids. She knew I had been wanting to visit the Harriet Beecher Stowe house with her forever. There are nine kids and two husbands between us, so the stars have to be aligned just so in order for the two of us to be able to take a day trip alone. We realized our special day was set to happen only one day previous. The problem was, our free day (a Thursday) was a day the museum was closed. Christine got on the phone and coordinated a private tour. (They typically only do tours for groups and rarely on short notice!) I can't wait to finish my research so I can tell you all about our experience. Christine no longer blogs, so I don't have a link to give you for her, but I can't talk about things to put on the fridge door of life without mentioning the remarkable gift Christine pursued for me.

And last but certainly not least, I would love to introduce you to my virtual fairy blog mother, Jeannie Prinsen. Jeannie is a deep well of wisdom and intellect, yet she is delightfully approachable. Each Monday she shares a "Monday Morsel" -- a quote which she has come upon in her reading. I always try to square away some quiet time to sip my coffee when I visit Jeannie's Little House on the Circle. It would be wonderful to live near her and savor morsels with her in person.

 Life is not about being fast.  It's about doing what we're called to do and not stressing about the outcome.

I nominated Jeannie for a "Liebster Award" on my birthday this past year. She joined in the fun with this post in response.

Love her tributes to her son: You've Got a Friend in Me and Never Mean.

And this one: Slow: Tortoise Crossing


Recently Jeannie participated Anne Bogel's "literary matchmaking" blog event at the Modern Mrs. Darcy. Jeannie told Anne the types of books she likes/dislikes and Anne made selections for her based on this profile. Readers are invited to join in with the matchmaking and the result is lots of TBR list enrichment!

What are some things you'd like to put on the fridge door of your life today?

Peace & Joy,

Adriana

My Depression: One Year Later

Dear Friend,

It's been one year since I had a breakdown and slid into a near infantile state for a month. Friends and family brought meals and took turns caring for our children while I slept for 15 hours at a time. My face and hands felt numb. At first I needed help to walk to the bathroom. On a good day, I would sit in my rocking chair on the front porch and stare at my flowers. I couldn't read more than a line or two at a time. New information made me feel very tired. I found it difficult to make simple decisions.

Healing from depression doesn't happen overnight. It's been a long, tough climb out of a dark hole these last several months. I feel wiser and stronger now, but I'm aware that I'm still vulnerable in some respects. At the beginning of this summer I struggled a bit. My husband and I were concerned that I was headed back down into the darkness. I felt as though I was standing close to the edge of a crumbling embankment.

We had to regroup and take a close look at what things were stressing me too much. I made some hard choices for the sake of my health, but I can say with confidence: I'm getting better about saying no when I need to say no and I'm caring less about how things appear to bystanders.

I'm living life differently now -- imperfectly -- but differently. I'm more careful with my heart, my time, my friendships, and my health. I'm deliberately making space for a slower, more peaceful lifestyle.

Currently that means that while much of my family is out having exciting adventures in the wide world this summer, I'll be staying close to home.

I'm heeding my doctor's advice.

"What weighs on you most?" she asked. 

"I can't keep up with our lifestyle and I don't want to disappoint my kids."

"Your kids don't need you to do everything with them. They just need you to be there for them. That's all you have to do. Of course you care for their basic needs -- beyond that just be available to listen and encourage them. That is what they need most from you. The rest -- all the extra stuff that people run all over the place for -- isn't necessary. If it stresses you, don't do it. Just be there."

So when I start to feel frustrated with myself for being a tortoise in a world of hares, I try to recall my doctor's words. I'm learning to accept help when it is offered. I'm grateful for the village of support that has been there for my whole family. Our community has blessed all our lives. We've made some wonderful bonds through this!

I had been considering writing about this topic when I came upon this post by Elizabeth Mallory. You can follow the hashtag she created on Twitter: #yesIstruggle

Have you ever struggled with depression? How are you now? Feel free to tell me as much as you feel comfortable sharing in the comments below.

Love & Prayers,

Adriana

I Am Your Keeper and You are Mine: A Stroll in Springtime

I have some more old pictures for you today! I'm still recovering from an illness that has kept me in bed for three days. My strength is starting to return, but I'm taking baby steps. When I haven't been dozing, I've been spending time in my rocker on my front porch in my pajamas and wrapped in a sheet. My husband has taken the week off work to be my nurse and to care for the kids. My mom brought over a chicken dinner last night. After sleeping nearly all day, I found Mother's comfort food to be very comforting indeed!

As I think I said yesterday, looking through my photos feels therapeutic. I can't believe how many pictures I have meant to share with you that I haven't yet got around to sharing! These are some I took on a Spring Sunday back in April when I took my baby for a stroll after church.

I keep hoping that one day I will have time to blog the way I want to: lots of pictures and insights into the classics and useful tips for successful living. But the truth is, though life is a beautiful gift, sometimes it is very hard. Sometimes it takes all I have to just give my family the basics for their survival with a smile on my face. Sometimes the edge is gone and I have no energy left to be creative. I have nothing clever to say and I feel like I need to just lap up wisdom from everyone else!

Sometimes I just need to sit still and watch a bee pollinate a flower and feel the breeze on my face and listen to a mourning dove. 

I  wish people wouldn't say, "I don't want to be a burden on anyone." (Even though I admit I have sometimes said this myself -- I don't want to cause anyone any trouble.) Guess what? Being a burden is part of life so get over it! And praise God the whole world isn't full of evil Nazis. Sometimes your friends and family need you to be a "burden" so they can be whole. Caring for others is not a curse! Caring for others is a blessing!

But I think most people are just trying to be considerate when they say "I don't want to be a burden." We all know negative draining types that will just suck out all of a person's energy and demand more, more, more! But I'm sure you are not like that. If you have a need, call out for help! And receive gifts of love with a grateful heart. I know you will carry the goodness forward and many others will be blessed by your life in time.

I'm very grateful for the friends and family who have stepped up to care for me in the last few days. I hope you have someone to care for you when you are ill or depressed. It is awful to be hurting and to be alone -- especially if you have dependents who require your constant care! I hope you don't struggle with pride like I do. Are you too proud to ask for help? Too proud ask others to share your burdens?

I am your keeper and you are mine. I need your prayers and encouraging words and sometimes I need you tell me when I'm wrong! (Kindly please, but yes -- do tell me.) And I am responsible for each person who comes across my path -- whether in the blogosphere or in offline relationships. I am responsible for everything I teach, say, and show. I must ask myself:

Am I being loving or spiteful? 

Are my motives toward this person pure or selfish? 

When I say "I'll pray for you." Do I actually stop to pray for more than a second?

 Am I building others up or tearing them down?

I think I'll stop here. Maybe soon we can talk about what this looks like in our online relationships.

For now I'm going to take a shower, then rest a bit until Mom gets here. Tonight she's bringing a roast.

Love and blessings!

Adriana

About the Bench in My New Header

I thought I'd put down a few words about my new header. I've received some nice compliments on it. Thank you all very much. I love this bench. I imagine I'm not alone; I'm sure many people from my city love it too! 

Eleven years ago, when I was pregnant with my first child, I had intense morning sickness. It lasted 24 hours a day for months. I became very weak and discouraged. It just when on and on and on. 

It was winter. My husband and I lived in a basement apartment. I loved to read before I became pregnant, but to my horror I found that reading made the nausea worse. I spent most of my time dozing on a hand-me-down, hide-a-bed couch in a dim, musty room.

One day I became fixated on an idea: I had to get to the conservatory in our city. I had to breath in the fragrant air! I had to be near green growing things! 

I mentioned the idea to my husband one night. He was working long hours during that time. The conservatory was about an hour drive into the city. He promised to take me on the weekend. I counted the days. 

I remember the feeling when I walked into that spacious place, teeming with life and light! The air was warm, clean, and sweet. I think I had convinced myself that if I could just get there, my morning sickness would disappear -- and of course it didn't. But being there still did me a world of good! I walked slowly back to a quiet corner where I found the bench. I sat down alone. Before long, I was curled into the fetal position -- fast asleep.

I don't know if anyone walked past me while I slept there. When my husband approached me, I woke up. We meandered around the conservatory for a while. I didn't want to leave. As we stepped out into the frozen street, the contrast felt brutal. I vomited in the parking lot.

"He maketh me to lie down in green pastures." Psalm 23:2

My husband and I recently took our fourth son to the conservatory for a special event. I sought out my bench and took a couple pictures. 

Do you have a special place that has provided you with comfort and rest during a difficult time?

Beautiful Vulnerability

When I write I hope to make a connection with you. I want you to feel as though you can hear my voice. I want to leave you with information that is helpful -- real, honest stuff that will build you up! But here's the truth: writing that way takes more courage than I have sometimes. To do that I have to allow myself to be vulnerable. 

Some examples of thoughts I've had:

I've been through some difficult life struggles, but you've been through worse. You think I'm shallow.

I have no degree whatsoever; you have a PhD. You're smirking at my little book reports.

I have five kids; you have ten. (Or two, and you're wondering if I've figured out yet how to prevent pregnancy.)

I'm SO excited because I just ran a mile! You run ten miles every morning.

I just got caught up on laundry for the first time in ten years; you never go to sleep at night until every scrap is folded and put away.


It's endless. Roaming through the blogosphere should help, but sometimes it just makes me feel more unworthy.

Our hearts are fragile things. It takes courage to open them up.

I would much rather write about what Tolstoy thinks or what Augustine thinks than write about what I think. After spending a considerable amount of time inside the heads of these writers, I consider them to be my friends. (Don't laugh.) Sometimes I hunker behind them. (You might not think highly of me, but everyone thinks highly of my friends!)

But I've noticed when I do scrape together the courage to tell my own stories, the response is usually uplifting. The sting of negative criticism is soothed by the balm of understanding. One of the main reasons I read great classic literature is to become more empathetic. Putting myself out there though -- yikes! --that's a whole different thing!

When you find out about my imperfections, you might not like me anymore. But I can't make a connection with others without taking that risk.

What keeps us out of connection is the fear that we are not worthy of connection. ~ Brené Brown

My stats rise, then decline, then rise again. Why? I scratch the back of my head. On the downer days I sometimes feel a little blue. I'm not worthy. I must have used a comma when I should have used a semicolon! I must have used a word that is now politically incorrect! Then someone will leave a comment that is so encouraging, it brings tears to my eyes. In those moments I know I must keep trying. I must strive to open up the heavy door to my heart. I must take risks while exploring my thoughts about the classics and life.

One thing is certain: when you show courage by making yourself vulnerable, I think it's beautiful.

I want to be beautiful too.

Last week, I stumbled upon a video of a talk by Brené Brown. If this post spoke to you and you feel that you struggle with feelings of unworthiness like me, take 20 minutes to watch this. If you don't have time right now, book mark the page and come back to it when you do. This is one of the best talks I've ever heard. 

Note: Since I wrote this post, I've started reading Brené Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection. So far it's been really helpful. I look forward to sharing more thoughts about it in the future.

Cyber-Samplers for 12/12/12

Nearly blinded myself this morning while attempting to capture this shot.

Took this of my son while on a camping trip last summer.

Made this with a paper bag on the kitchen floor.

I've been having a blast making little quote pictures lately. If I hone in on your favorite quote, I'll probably be sending you one. (If I know your email address, that is!) When I was a teenager, I cross-stitched little designs and sent them to my friends in the mail. I've come to think of what I'm doing now as as "cyber-stitchery"! What you see here are "cyber-samplers".

When I hear a person say they love a certain quote, I try to really pay attention to it. The quote will usually reveal something essential about that person, something he or she may never articulate to me any other way.

 Made this with a silk apron which has "France 1919" embroidered on the pocket.

I always read with a sharp #2 Ticonderoga. My pencil also serves as a bookmark. 

On my blog you will only see cyber-stitchery from quotes that I've come upon in my reading -- stuff I've underlined and reread and pondered on my own. This is a little rule I follow because while it's fun to skip over to Pinterest or Wikiquote and grab a quote I like, there is nothing quite like scaling a mountainous tome in a hungry search for a morsel of nourishment. Something about that whole process makes a quote much more memorable and personal to me. If feels like it's mine.

For this one I used some red Christmas wrap with white dots. 

Took this picture on one of my morning walks this past year. 

Take care dear ones.

Oh and I nearly forgot -- Happy 12/12/12!

This is a good day to do something you'd like to be remembered by!

Love to all!

~ Adriana

p.s. Did I invent two new terms? I haven't noticed anyone else use "cyber-stitchery" or "cyber-sampler" before. Which do you like best?

This is a portion of a sampler I made in 1996.

p.s.s. If I DO send you a quote via email, It's a gift. Please don't feel obligated to stick it on your blog or anything! (But you certainly may if you want to.) No need to reference me in your post, my  blog-signature is already on the stuff I make.

Special Announcement: Return of the Native Synchro-Read

Join me tomorrow morning (December 1) on Facebook as I start the "Return of the Native Synchro-Read". My plan is to read two chapters per day and finish before the end of the year! The more the merrier! If you're not planning to read along, you're still welcome to stop by and cheer us on. (And while you're there, don't forget to "like" Classical Quest.)